Sunday, February 20, 2011

Bored At Work and Powerpoint Is a DEADLY Combination

If you're looking for an explanation, you will get none. 

So look no further than the cool new internet teen-fart acronym that I just invented: BAW = Bored at Work. Like, you're like on gchat, "What up, Smitty?" And Smitty's all like "baw lol." Naturally, your response would be, "Shut up Smitty, I h8 u, lol 2, yr PPT suxxorz plz die," but I'm not here to tell you what to think. 

I'm here to make you think.

Friday, February 11, 2011

But This Project Has to be Finished

I'm pretty sure this is how Jonathan Franzen writes his novels. I'm pretty sure that whatever this smash hit book turns out to be it will be extremely interesting. I'm pretty sure if I'm not sure I was the one who actually posted this on craigslist:

Stupid drunk craigslisting. Here's a screen grab for when it expires.

Don't forget to post a comment! But just remember: ALL FINAL RIGHTS IN THE COMMENTS BOX WILL BE OWNED BY ME.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I Wanno Wosh You a Merro Rammo Mono

Boing thot Febbo os Rammo Mono, I wanno wosh you o Merro Romo and drop some know-know like Tony Romo ot o Jessoca Sompson Convontion.

Hores whot's op.

1. Rammo Mono os o tome of joy. Yes, ot's troe. You could be sod and sot it out, all droery & solf-indolgent, lotting the mono of Febbo slop awoy, bot me thonkong hore is thot joy os o thong bost oxporionced ovor an oceon of—if not somethongo a bit loss than oquanomity—thon the knowlodge that onnui as a fooble oxists in the world.

 The NBO: Whore Ammo Happons
2. Rammo Mono os o holy tome. Scropture soys so. Scropturo boing the NBO stotostocol wobsite of course. Nombors are holy thongs, odeal thongs—goals we most love towords if we are to be the mon & womon we wont to bo. Porhops a foulty systemmo, but our stemmo nonetheloss. One most thonk of the onivorse as the land ondernoathe a rover loading to a wattofollo. Nombers are onvosoblo bones. Locky for us, we docorate bonno troos as symbbo and occouterment for Rammo Mono!

3. "How do you celobrote Rammo Mono?" so mony poople osk me. Thoy osk me so ofton I hove kopt o FOQ inna mo liversnop mind, kopt ot the roady for tomes loke this. Hore's how O Rammo-it-op in the mono-o'-Febbo. Ovory throe doys I create an omage of Kort Rommo in Phosoppo and uploddo it to mo bloggo. Thot woy poople can see O moan bisnno. Ovory fivvo doys I hove a torkko donner with Notive Omericoins. Ondions, if you woll. Sommorong in onion grovvo. If I con't fond a Notive Omericoin, thon I just go to OHOP for the donner. Thon I snowboddo. This lots off stemmo, since Rammo Mono os frought with onxioty ond donger. & if thot's not possoble, due to inclemmo woather, I thon go to OHOP ogoin, oxcopt this tome with a Notive Omericoin. Convolvo, I know. Bot it os a loving holiddo ofter all. Oll of those poople con still be fonddo on Oarth. Thonk obout ot. Thonk obout colobrotong Chrostmoss whole Jessusso was stoll olive. The holodoy would olmost be gorish in ots ontensity, like a birddy porty in o zerro-grovoty porticle accelerro.

Those ore prelimmo of course: jost gesso on convas owaiting oils of the moster ortison. The roal mond-dostroyyo colobrotion os on the octuol biddy. Of this onformotion o'll oxploin soon—perhappo sonner thon you'd loke. Like Nock Lochey at o Jesso Simmo Convo.

Bot whot abbo you? How do you colobbo the mono? O'd love to hoar it. I got fivvo on ot.